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Saturday, 16 February 2013 18:45

Romance Crack: Eye of the Storm

Written by Jennifer Porter
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eyeofthestorm“Eye of the Storm” by Monette Michaels (romantic suspense, Liquid Silver, April 2010, $5.99, 364pp)


Series: Security Specialists International, book 1


Keely Walsh has three doctorates, five older brothers and has never met a situation she couldn't handle. While consulting with the NSA, she discovers sensitive government information indicating her brother, a private security operative, is in danger. Keely travels to the dangerous Triple Frontier in South America to warn him and his colleagues and finds the last thing she expects--a man who sends icy shivers down her spine even as he lights every one of her fires.

Ren Maddox, co-owner of Security Specialists International, a security firm that works for large corporations and governments, is on an intelligence-gathering mission for the US government when a petite strawberry blonde armed with a Bren Ten and an attitude ten feet tall pops out of the Argentine jungle with a warning of imminent danger. The fact she is one hundred percent correct shocks him to his socks. The fact she is Tweeter Walsh's baby sister and can fight like the fiercest Marine is beside the point. No one who looks like Keely should ever be in danger. And once he gets her out of the current situation, he’ll make it his life's work to protect the feisty, sexy, little woman from any and all danger.

One alpha male. One determined and independent female. One hot, tumultuous relationship.



Why This Book Is Crack:
After casually mentioning that I was looking for a cracktastic read on Twitter, @lillie_80 reminded me about “Eye of the Storm” by Monette Michaels. Because I have great faith in @lillie_80’s crack meter (and because I had already purchased this book), I immediately started to read this one. And my overall opinion? This book tops the romance crack scale with some serious WTFery and over-the-top goodness. “Eye of the Storm” kept me glued to my ereader from the first sentence to the last, and as soon as I was done I went straight to the follow-up novella, “Stormy Weather Baby.”


Keely Walsh is the dominant force in this book. She is 21 years old; she has three doctorates; she attended college when she was 13; she is a computer genius who has worked on some critical government files for the NSA and MIT; she attended Hell Week and only got kicked out when she stopped to help someone and was revealed as a woman; she went to sniper school; she can pilot a helicopter; and she kicks serious bad-guy ass.


Of course, my favorite facet of Keely’s personality is her superior knowledge of the penis sizes of every man she comes across. While she is out saving her brother Tweeter (whom she calls Tweetie) and her soon to be true love Ren, Keely reveals that she knows Ren has an 8-inch appendage because it is in his government file. In this world, penis size is included in everyone’s files.


I rather thought that this would make these government files much more interesting and prone to being hacked. Who wouldn’t want to leak this information to the world? I could only wonder if this information is considered important as a tool for identification. Anyway, this makes me chuckle still.

“Intelligence files usually mentioned everything right down to the size of a man's dick. Petriv's was seven inches, slightly above average from all her reading; Maddox's, eight. She managed to avoid looking at their crotches to see if her intel had been correct.”


Beyond knowing the penis size of Ren, Keely is well acquainted with the size of all of her brother’s appendages. I believe that she mentions her knowledge during an intimate moment with Ren – who is horrified by the topic. It is also rather creepy. Overall, the Walsh’s are way too up in each other’s sexual business. Nothing illustrates this as well as the following scene, where both Ren and Keely talk to her parents about sex during pregnancy.

“I called my mom last night. I asked her about deep, balls-to-the-wall sex during pregnancy. And she said go for it. Like you, my Dad was hesitant at first, but gave in, and Mom said he never regretted it. I'm asking you to give in to me." His hands grabbed her hips and pulled her forward until her wet cleft snugged his throbbing cock.

"I called your Dad--at your brother's suggestion." He threw her a sexy, but cheeky, grin. "Your Dad told me to stop being a candy-assed wuss and take you like the dominant male I am."


I kid you not. These people need some family boundaries! There is actually a bizarre scene where Tweetie is tending to his injured sister (she’s passed out) with Ren discussing her injuries over her naked body – and well, it definitely made me uncomfortable.


Back to Keely as a bad-ass heroine. She flies down to South America to save her brother and Ren from a trap. She kills men (although she feels bad about it), she kicks ass and she takes no crap from anyone. But as soon as the action is over, she collapses from low-blood sugar, exhaustion and infection (from an attack that she suffered before the book started). Okay, so she had an infection. I thought her total meltdown seemed extreme, but I figured I could give her the benefit of the doubt.


However, this happens several more times to her. I’m not sure if she just doesn’t eat appropriately so she needs protein bars and Pepsi (she a HUGE Pepsi addict) to recuperate or if she has some sort of medical problem. She is small in stature – a fact that the author hammers home repeatedly. The best part is when she is out sniping bad guys and practically faints when coming down a ladder while newly pregnant.


There is a great deal of WTFery in this book to keep readers entertained. However, my favorite moment comes late in the book when it is finally time for Ren to deflower Keely. I’m not sure that deflower is the right phrase because …

"I'm absolutely positive I'll survive losing my innocence to you. For chrissakes, Tweetie told me I don't even have a hymen anymore since that Argentinian doctor eliminated it with a too-big speculum. I'm pretty sure your penis will feel way better than a cold hunk of metal."


Ren isn’t so sure that Keely can handle him though. He is reluctant to have sex. In retaliation, Keely decides to find a vegetable to do the trick. Unfortunately, there are no vegetables that measure up to our impressively packaged hero. Ren does get Keely’s point though that she has every intention of losing her virginity – and finally obliges.


Reviews cannot do this book justice in any way. This is the type of book where you start reading, think “WTF just happened?” and are surprised that the whammies keep coming and coming. Admittedly, the family-sex-thing is weird and difficult to read, but otherwise, this is one of the most entertaining books I’ve ever read.


Buy from Amazon
Author Link: http://www.monettemichaels.com/
Like Monette Michaels on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/monette.draper
Follow Monette Michaels on Twitter: http://twitter.com/raemorgan


Book Disclosure: An ebook was purchased.

Last modified on Friday, 15 March 2013 10:15
Jennifer Porter

Jennifer Porter

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